


there oughta be a law, get the Kage on the phone

by sprx77



Series: Glitter and Gold [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Dirty Talk, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rivals to Friends to Lovers, Shameless Smut, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:20:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprx77/pseuds/sprx77
Summary: If you’d told Naruto when he was thirteen that the best part of his life would be the way Sasuke got demanding and shameless in bed, if ankles hooked impatiently over his calves were a thousand times better than any soft princess, that he’d love the equally impatient hands that pushed and prodded him—He’d have thought you were crazy, of course, but Sasuke isn’t hooking limbs and manhandling Naruto into where he wants him, just now, because Sasuke is braced on both elbows over his lap and his ass is up, over Naruto’s knees, and his shirt is falling a little due to gravity—Sasuke, visibly not giving a damn at how his shirt lifts to reveal his spine and belly, which does things to the part of Naruto that has canine teeth and likes his meat a little too rare, sometimes—--because he is, in fact, rocking forward with each strike to his exposed ass, pressing his half-hard dick into the gap between Naruto’s legs and surely fighting the urge to complain at the lack of friction he finds there.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Glitter and Gold [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877152
Comments: 10
Kudos: 243
Collections: Extraordinary SNS Fics💕





	there oughta be a law, get the Kage on the phone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CreatePeaceFromChaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreatePeaceFromChaos/gifts).



> I started writing for the 'spanking' bingo prompt late last night as a joke and then ended up writing 4k so. Joke's on me? I just really love these two. One of my first ships, yanno? I told a lot of jokes from Naruto's POV so we'll see how funny I think I am vs how funny it turned out lol

Naruto brings his hand down experimentally. It smacks into Sasuke’s bared ass with a little sound; his—soulmate? Lover? Rival? fuck—jerks forward a little from the impact, right across Naruto’s lap.

The hit wasn’t outrageously satisfying on its own, but combined with that little full-body lurch forward, the way Sasuke is all but draped over him, the feeling of soft-vulnerable skin under his palm, the subtle reddening there—

Well.

_ Sasuke _ is  _ draped over him _ . His shoulders are all tense. Naruto can’t see his face yet he can imagine the heat coming off it, the almighty pink belaying his haughty and untouchable expression, the way he surely must be blushing up a storm.

The purposeful lack of sound, as though Sasuke would genuinely rather die than admit anything.

“Do you want me to stop?” He’s hardly even done anything yet. He rubs the skin of Sasuke’s ass almost absently, mesmerized by the creamy softness, the supple curve.

Sasuke radiates disdain and says nothing. He maybe tilts his chin up a little. Naruto can picture the mocking tone of his eyebrows.

“Alright then.” He gives one cheek a parting little squeeze, a kind of reassuring tap-tap.

The next hit lands surer. Sasuke still flinches with his whole body, a minute little thing from the impact. He rocks forward over Naruto’s thighs an inch or two and then settles back in, as if it’s a part of the smacking motion, in time with Naruto’s hand.

The slightest hint of pink rises.

Naruto stares at the point of impact.

He can feel the stirring of Sasuke’s length against his leg, a kind of subtle wriggling.

He imagines scooting out from under Sasuke, and scooting down until he can pull both creamy cheeks apart firmly with his big hands, and lick and tease until Sasuke beat his hands against the mattress and threatened his entire lineage.

Only then would Naruto lick into him, slow and purposeful, until he had Sasuke shaking in his grip and screaming so loud several generations of Uchiha sat up in the family crypt demanding to know what was happening.

Naruto stared at the beautiful ass before him, so softly dappled with a first blush, and gave serious thought and consideration to tonguing Sasuke so thoroughly that Madara came back from the dead  _ again _ .

He manfully resists the urge, laying his hand against that slight rush of blood and feeling it. Only a half-degree warmer than the skin surrounding, so slight Naruto can’t be sure he’s not imagining it. He trails his hand down over Sasuke’s thigh, oddly erotic in this position.

It’s thrilling.

Unexpectedly thrilling.

Sasuke, braced over him. Naruto can feel the weight in the clenched muscle, exalts in the way Sasuke’s thigh is boxed in by his hand and his lap, the slight spread of his legs, the way his underwear is just pulled down to his knees instead of removed completely.

It feels intimate. Powerful. Exciting.

A little nerve-wracking, if he’s honest.

He bites his lip and pulls his hand away, bringing it out further this time before letting it fall. Sasuke’s ass flushes rudely.

Naruto is never going to be able to unsee this.

He swallows, mouth wet with saliva.

He smacks again, impacts carefully planned; catches the curve furthest left, then right, spreading out the hits. Just two, for now, because when he drags his hand away his hypersensitive ears catch a  _ sound _ , somehow audible over the roaring gale of his own heartbeat.

Just a little moan, a half-hn, forced out of Sasuke’s throat with a love-tap to the ass.

Naruto experiences tunnel vision so fast he’s dizzy, staring not for the first time—not by the longest of longshots—at the back of Sasuke’s head, at the achingly familiar shape of his hair and the place black met pale skin at his nape.

He couldn’t see Sasuke’s face, of course, couldn’t see those lips still accidentally parted from the unintentional sound, but his hand shakes in the air anyway.

He inhales as calmly as he can, that tiny noise still ringing in his ears. Hell, that noise! Odes have been written about that tiny noise. It echoed like a bell through the universe. The pure lands were confused about the smallest sound that somehow rang out against the cerise sky, touching every soul in creation.

It was an  _ affecting _ sound, alright?

Naruto brought his hand to bear against the middle-ground of Sasuke’s ass, trying to get both sides at once in a classic smack, and both cheeks wiggle a little. He has to suck in a breath to keep from—

Something.

Dying, maybe.

Passing out from the sheer high of this.

Is Naruto going to faint? Has he gotten through their entire ridiculous lives, to this amazing moment, just to be overwhelmed and pass out  _ now _ ?

If he didn’t go down to an attack of the vapors the first time they fucked, he’s hardly going to conk out now, when they’re just trying something fun half-on-a-dare, half-because-they’re-apparently-wildly-into-it.

He’s paused too long.

“Well, dobe?” Sasuke asked, which wouldn’t be concerning normally except his voice is a little  _ breathless _ and Naruto whines just hearing it, a high groan wheeling recklessly out of his throat.

“Don’t talk to me,” He insists. “I can’t handle this if you’re talking and—and saying things.”

“Things.” Sasuke repeats, except  _ oh no _ his voice is now a little breathless from—he can’t even think it inwardly— _ this _ , AND from a bit of laughter, and the combo is enough to knock into his chest like a one hit knockout from Sakura’s fist.

It is  _ below the belt _ .

A below the belt hit.

Naruto stares at Sasuke’s bared ass, still just the faintest hint of pink that’s already fading again; the ass which he is hitting. That he has hit. That he will hit again. The literal below the belt hits.

Well, technically his belt is in the corner and these hits are all above his belt-loop-area, because his pants are  _ around his knees _ , and it’s possible Naruto might suffer those aforementioned vapors presently because he’s mildly sure he can’t handle this.

It can’t be healthy to feel like this. Already his head is swimming with the blood rush, half sure he’s going to start bleeding from his nose or suffer a catastrophic aneurysm, brain giving up on him.

But goddamn what a way to go.

He suddenly has entirely too much empathy with  _ Jiraiya _ , of all people, and those thoughts have no business anywhere near this room or Sasuke’s ass, no matter how much inspiration he’s reluctantly derived from any heretofore unacknowledged book series he may or may not have edited, like child slave labor, for three years, without even a D-rank’s worth of pay for his efforts.

He exhales harshly through his nose.

Well, happily the perfect distraction is right before him, a bare tremble sliding up his spine from contained amusement. Naruto ducks down to press a kiss to the bottom of Sasuke’s spine, spare hand on the hem of his shirt at his hip for stability, and doesn’t miss the intake of breath that says Sasuke is just as affected by this as he is.

If not moreso.

It’s a heady thought.

Naruto straightens back up, fixes the hem of Sasuke’s shirt, and squeezes his hip reassuringly on his way out.

He slaps Sasuke’s right cheek sharply, the sound much more satisfying than before. If he hyperfixates, he can see the way his ass takes the blow, absorbs it, and ripples out in a perfect wiggle.

Naruto will never be able to eat jello again.

He bites his tongue and repeats the sharp slap to the other cheek.

Sasuke shuffles a little on his knees, moving forward just briefly like he can’t help himself. His weight shifts from knee to knee.

Naruto delivers three solid smacks to the center of his rear-end, one after another, and by the third Sasuke’s back has clenched and his mouth has fallen open, no further sounds emanating, though his breathing is fully audible now.

For just a moment, Naruto’s eyes flutter closed, taking in all the things he’s feeling right now; they open right up again, of course, because like hell he’s missing this  _ visual _ , spread out like the world’s most bountiful feast before him.

_ Very _ edible, he thinks possessively, rubbing his thumb into Sasuke’s cleft with tempted consideration. His ancestors don’t really  _ need _ rest this night…

“Again.” Sasuke breathes, wiggling impatiently, and several important—probably important—sectors of Naruto’s brain just. Catch fire and burn to ash, that quickly.

He blinks hard.

His hand is already moving.

“Yeah.” He rasps in agreement, the palm of his hand slapping against soft skin a breath later.

It had cupped a little midway, the sound somehow amplified, and it makes Sasuke’s breathing stutter. He tries it again, curving his palm, and is rewarded with a breathless little ‘ah!’ as it does more than his rigidly-straight hand has yet to manage.

Naruto takes this in, struggles to think beyond that one specific sound, and manually adjusts his style to do it over and over and over again.

By the fifth stroke, Sasuke is clenching and unclenching his cheeks in a seemingly random pattern, the flesh is mottled a little pink that doesn’t immediately fade, and his pants are coming out with noise behind them.

Naruto’s eyes zero in on his goal, reveling in the sounds. He  _ loves _ it when Sasuke’s loud in bed, loves every hard-won sound that escapes his pride-filled control, loves—

“Naruto!”

\--especially, when he is pushed to excess, and forgets why he ever wanted to be quiet, at all.

If you’d told Naruto when he was thirteen that the best part of his life was the way Sasuke got demanding and shameless in bed, if ankles hooked impatiently over his calves were a thousand times better than any soft princess, that he’d love the equally impatient hands that pushed and prodded him—

He’d have thought you were crazy, of course, but Sasuke isn’t hooking limbs and manhandling Naruto into where he wants him, just now, because Sasuke is braced on both elbows over his lap and his ass is up, over Naruto’s knees, and his shirt is falling a little due to gravity—

Sasuke, visibly not giving a damn at how his shirt lifts to reveal his spine and belly, which does  _ things _ to the part of Naruto that has canine teeth and likes his meat a little too rare, sometimes—

\--and he is, in fact, rocking forward with each strike to his exposed ass, pressing his half-hard dick into the gap between Naruto’s legs and surely fighting the urge to complain at the lack of friction he finds there.

Naruto, himself, moans.

Sasuke shoots him an incredulous look over his shoulder, which does not work out as he expects, actually, given that the barest glimpse at his face—flushed redder than his  _ ass _ —and the black eyes simultaneously low-lidded with pleasure and wide with excitement, brows drawn together with the aforementioned incredulity—

Well.

That look was not one he expected to receive, nor was the glimpse doing him  _ any _ favors, as Naruto fights hard not to just rub his clothed erection over Sasuke’s diaphragm. Belly button?

The sense-imagery of the head of his dick catching against Sasuke’s navel makes him growl, a little, his soft belly wet with Naruto’s smell, his  _ taste _ smeared right there—

Nope, nope, Naruto is  _ busy _ , he’s got  _ things _ to do, he—

Naruto brings a callused hand harder against Sasuke’s rear, biting his lip when it makes Sasuke’s head snap around fast.

But not so fast that Naruto misses the surge of hot bright blood into his cheeks, before his embarrassment dropped his mouth open a little, before Naruto could catch a  _ glimpse _ of his face when he was spanked that now has Sasuke’s hands shaking against the covers, where he’s supporting his weight.

Naruto abruptly wishes Sasuke was somehow wearing pants still, solely so he could reach under and fondle his dick a little, rub his cupped fingers over a straining bulge and tease through the cloth.

Instead he rubs Sasuke’s pink cheeks, feeling the heat radiating off them now, and digs in a little with his fingertips. Sasuke hisses, arching away from him and then back like he couldn’t decide if he wanted more or not, and Naruto lets go entirely to deliver alternating slaps, first to one side and then the other, and loses his mind a little thinking of Sasuke’s dick slipping between his thighs while Naruto does this.

In fact.

“Lean up a little.” He instructs.

Gratifyingly, Sasuke obeys without question, though two seconds later the natural suspicion creeps into his eyebrows.

Naruto allows himself a moment to thrive off the red cheeks and red throat and blown-pupils of his lover-boyfriend-rival-soulmate, and then reaches down with one hand to guide Sasuke’s leaking prick into the gap of Naruto’s thighs.

He has to pause around the galaxy brain idea of tucking Sasuke back through his  _ own _ thighs, of delivering a smack that just-almost caught his dick as  _ well _ , and puts that shivery but experimental thought on the backburner for next time, wiggling a bit his own self to make room.

He guides Sasuke in and then nudges his thighs closed again, guiding with a hand on Sasuke’s lower back until the man is re-lowered into position, bent over his lap but much closer this time.

“If you move you move around a lot—like, if you jerk back or forwards—”

“I’m aware.” Sasuke drawls, in his ‘don’t-be-stupid’ voice that is slightly ruined by the slight sheen of sweat now glistening over him, at how obviously worked up he’d gotten.

“Don’t worry.” He readjusts on his  _ hands _ , Sasuke is essentially on his hands and knees for him—

That distraction requires a manual reboot Naruto doesn’t have time for, so he applies a little percussive maintenance on the side, thumping his temple a bit and shaking his head.

The task at hand is a rather glorious one.

“But I bet you could—” He moves Sasuke experimentally by the hip, guiding him into a shallow little arching thrust, and it rolls Sasuke’s cock in a little wave motion, pressing the underside in a teasing arch through the slick hole Naruto’s thigh gap can become with just a little lube.

“Oh, fuck.” Sasuke laughs a little, each soft chuckle dissolving one of Naruto’s precious few remaining brain cells. He adjusts once more, this time dipping a tiny bit so that his cock rubs in and out—Naruto can  _ feel _ the motion as the small of his back dips—and the head spits a little precome, every drop of which hits his thighs like a live wire, because they’re somehow approximately a thousand times their normal sensitivity.

Naruto squeezes Sasuke’s hips—whether its to encourage him or stop him, he has no idea. Sasuke backs his ass up tauntingly and Naruto might have blacked out for a second, main body of his cock dragging slowly out from Naruto’s thighs until only the head remains.

Naruto squeezes the left cheek harshly and then his hand just  _ is _ ricocheting off the right one, sound flying out a second later, and Sasuke’s voice sounds out, pure and sliced in half and multi-syllabic, catching him mid inhale and staying as he moans out.

“Ohfuck,” Sasuke gasps, again laughing as the easy forward motion-- the natural path to take away from Naruto’s hand—drives his hips forward and down into a thrust, his cock slipping in easy.

He backs his ass up again. Naruto shoots off a quick but  _ fervent _ prayer and does it again. And again.

Sasuke almost  _ rides _ his hand, fucking into his thighs with every strike and, like a wave, coming back to the starting position for more. It becomes a grinding, cyclical thing, an action of momentum and consequence, the way he’s almost hitting Sasuke in a beautiful circle—

Something like juggling, really, as the supple shape comes back to his hand every other second like clockwork, now glowing a cherry red.

Each hit is rhythmic now, the flesh under his hand burning, and it has to hurt—the constant strikes to the same spot, the color rising to new heights with each one—but if it is, Sasuke doesn’t care, his beautiful sounds settling into something of a hypnotic symphony, something incredible that Naruto finds himself willingly lost in.

It’s almost a shock, therefore, when Naruto hears Sasuke’s mouth drop open in an utterly surprised little  _ ‘o’  _ and he comes spasming right over the tops of Naruto’s thighs.

It takes a few hits before Naruto can lose the rhythm they settled into, three or four firm smacks that result—gratifyingly—in a few more spurts as Sasuke’s thoroughly shaking body rides out the last of its pleasure.

Naruto leaves his hand resting on Sasuke’s sensitive, burning ass for a few moments as he and his lover both catch their breath. Then, at Sasuke’s very subtle wince, he raises it up to the small of Sasuke’s back, admittedly possessive.

Sasuke shivers again, this time in pleasure.

It’s the work of nothing at all to gather him up in Naruto’s strong arms, maneuvering gently until he can kick out of his briefs and settle, tucked up against his chest, without anything to touch his stinging ass.

Naruto holds him up by the thighs as he licks into his mouth, wet and a little dirty, and it’s Naruto who does a full-body shake as the intensity gets to him, the lazy way Sasuke always swirls his tongue right after he’s come, like he couldn’t be bothered to do anything more strenuous than move his mouth with Naruto’s, limp hands resting on Naruto’s biceps passively.

Naruto breaks the kiss, panting, and tucks Sasuke’s head under his chin possessively. Sasuke nuzzles into him like Naruto’s dick isn’t a rock hard brand under his sensitive sack, hot against Sasuke’s softening dick even through several layers of fabric.

Naruto shifts until he can go from holding Sasuke’s thighs up—keeping his ass out of Naruto’s lap—to sliding around his torso, wrapping around at the forearms until Sasuke is pressed loosely too him and getting  _ all _ the possible skin contact.

Sasuke shivers again, pleased. He presses a closed-mouth kiss to Naruto’s jugular, recovering his breath. He sits in such a way that his ass is a little aloft, uncaring for the way it presses his pelvis a little firmly into Naruto’s erection.

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Naruto murmurs, unsurprised to hear his voice a scratchy rasp.

Sasuke snorts weakly.

“Look who’s talking.” He mutters just as quiet into Naruto’s skin, rubbing his cheek along a collar bone. “You could poke an eye out with that thing.”

“Ha ha.” Naruto can’t help an ugly snort. “I thought eye trauma jokes were banned from the bedroom?”

Sasuke instantly scowls, biting a protruding clavicle for his trouble. Naruto jumps a little, biting his lip when it really rubs his cock against his soft, sated armful.

“Let me eat you out?” He asks, mindful of his early fantasy. His voice comes out lower than he expected. Sasuke groans.

It sounds more a sexy reaction than an unwilling one. His breath fans out torturous at Naruto’s nape.

“Yeah, fuck, come on.” He agrees.

“Not too sensitive?” Naruto adjusts just until he can brush his thumb against Sasuke’s ass, enjoying despite himself the little gasp of pain.

“Maybe too sensitive.” He rolls it around in his mouth, obviously weighing another orgasm—particularly one that ends with Naruto cockdeep in him for an hour—against the obviously reddened state of his posterior.

“Okay but consider: this could be a plus.” Naruto starts soft, the barest brush, and then steadily increases the pressure until Sasuke grabs onto him, mouth dropping open; it’s like pressing into a bruise and a sunburn all at once. It doesn’t—really—hurt, but it’s a lot of sensation that’s almost true pain.

But more tingly.

“You’ve got my attention.” He admits wryly. The idea of Naruto on his knees and licking him with both hands kneading that pleasure-pain-tingling sensation while holding his ass open—

The way pleasure would slowly start to  _ overwhelm _ everything else…

Naruto purrs and rubs his thumb slowly, dryly across Sasuke’s puckered rim.

“Fuck! Usaratonkachi.” Sasuke leaps several inches in the air, almost screaming when Naruto’s thumb stays where it is, easily. The rest of his fingers dip down, a teasing brush, and Sasuke holds onto broad golden shoulders with both hands, nearly-shaking.

“Is that a yes?” Naruto’s blue eyes ask hopefully.

“ _ It’s a yes! _ ”

“Oh, fuck yeah.” Naruto shimmies down and away. Sasuke isn’t sure how, but suddenly he’s kneeling on the bed with his chest propped up on all their pillows. “I’m going to tongue-fuck Madara’s soul right out of the purelands.”

“What!?”

Sasuke looks back, incredulous. His slowly-filling dick bobs a little, unsure if it wants to continue the rehardening process.

“Don’t worry about it.” Naruto slurs into the small of his back, already working his way down.

At some point in the next few minutes, in no particular order: the dry rasp of teasing fingers against his hole becomes a skilled tongue; he’s grabbed roughly and  _ hotly _ by the hips; and teeth biting down on the red flesh of his ass make him loose a strangled  _ scream _ .

For someone who can fuck with time-and-space, Sasuke is abruptly very bad at parsing a linear timeline of events, and the worst part? He can’t muster up a single fuck to give about it.

Later—much later—when they both lay sated, sore and vaguely disgusted by the cooled sweat of their union, but nowhere near willing to get up and shower about it, Naruto hums a laugh into his bare shoulder.

“Mission: success.” He breathes, and Sasuke swats at him half-heartedly, sickened at the way his laughter seems to brighten the room.

“Don’t brag.” He says nasally. “It’s unbecoming.”

Naruto only tugs him closer with grabby octopus hands, tucking his chin over Sasuke’s shoulder with a grin.

“Really? Because I seem to remember an awful lot of coming— _ oof _ .” Sasuke had, of course, elbowed him in the ribs.

Even later still, or possibly only moments later, Sasuke opens his eyes to the sound of ever-so-faint humming.

“What’s that?” He asks, almost recognizing the tune. He can’t keep his eyes open.

Soft breath touches his face, a restrained chuckle. The dark is perfect and soft around them; Naruto’s arms are snug over his waist.

“Just thinking about those who came before us.” He assures, nonsensically, and then just as Sasuke is truly drifting off slips words into the notes.

“I ain’t get no peace cuz of y’all.” He sings softly, the sound blurry around the edges of sleep like a lullaby, “Y’all ain’t gonna get no peace cuz of me.”

It rocks against his senses like waves against a ship’s hull, a lifeboat on a sea of dreams.

Unmoored, Sasuke drifts.

**Author's Note:**

> For 'Glitter and Gold' bingo. I'll be editing this properly once I'm not tired of looking at it!
> 
> [Find me on tumblr](https://definitelynotaminion.tumblr.com/)


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